Be the Friend Who Brings it Up
Why this matters: Too often the people close to someone who is experiencing abuse don’t say anything. This is unfortunate because close friends and family are often the best positioned to recognize what’s happening and provide help. They might not be comfortable doing so or might not be sure how to approach the subject. Being the friend that brings it up means having a potentially awkward conversation to help keep each other safe and care for our friends so that we can all prevent harm from coming to those we love.
“A single real friend can make a world of difference.”
Join us: Know the warning signs. Abuse can take many forms beyond simple physical violence or threats of violence. Domestic violence is almost always controlling behavior, isolation from friends and family, frequent put downs, verbal aggression, emotional disregard or manipulation, gaslighting or making someone believe they’re making everything up, stalking or harassing behavior, and/or blaming the victim for everyone else’s feelings and behaviors.
Let your friend know that you care about them, and are there for whenever they want to talk. Focus on keeping yourself calm and non-judgemental toward everyone involved. Don’t push your friend to share if they aren’t ready, and don’t make your emotions something else your friend has to manage. Let them use their own words.
Here are some ways we’ve found it’s helpful to start the conversation. Remember: simple is great and opens the door for people to share! Complicated usually doesn’t work.
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Are you doing okay?
How are you and _____ doing?
How’s it going with _____?
Are you feeling good?
Is there anything I can do for you?
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That was a little awkward. How are you doing?
I’m just checking in. Are you good?
I noticed ______. Are you okay?
Through our partnership with BART, Let’s Talk About Us will reach thousands of passengers each day in more than one dozen stations systemwide, onboard trains serving each BART line, and on bus shelters and billboards in 5 neighborhoods including Chinatown, SoMa and the Mission.
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Use the free BART Watch app to send a private message to police dispatch. An anonymous feature is available. Location services are enabled on the app but can be disabled in “permissions.” When enabled, your location is provided to police dispatch when you submit a report via the app.
Use the train intercom button to speak to the train operator. The call button is along the side platform doors of new Fleet of the Future cars, and at the end doors, near where you walk from one car into another, on the older legacy cars. On Fleet of the Future cars, the train operator will get an automatic video feed inside your train car when the intercom button is pressed. Older legacy cars do not have this feature.
Use the white phones located on the platforms to connect to a station agent. This phone will roll over to the Operations Control Center which is staffed 24/7.
Seek out any BART employee. Look for employees with a BART logo on their uniform. Frontline employees have received training on handling crisis incidents.
Call BART Police dispatch at 510-464-7000. You will speak to a police dispatcher. Always call this number or 911 for crimes in progress or emergencies.
Text BART Police dispatch at 510-200-0992.